Days 10 & 11

Sunrise Prairie Trail
North Branch, MN
Parallel to Old Highway 61

I bet that some of you can relate to what i'm going to talk about today. That topic is perfectionism, specifically the toxic all-or-nothing mindset. I had a cathartic realization today and I am glad that it happened. I wasn't aware, until a discussion I had with a friend today, that all my life I have been striving towards unattainable goals and then beating myself up after not reaching them.

Our great friend Wikipedia defines perfectionism as "a personality trait characterized by a person's striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluation and concerns regarding others' evaluations." After the discussion with my friend, I looked up this definition to learn more about perfectionism and was shocked at how true it felt to me.

One example after another flooded my head and I became overwhelmed with the knowledge that this has affected me my entire life. Granted, I knew that I had all or nothing tendencies. But the extent that I thought it went to was that my house is either a disaster area or spotless. I didn't realize that it was affecting my work and my blog as well, and that accompanying this trait is enormous guilt if perfection is not reached.

The reason that I believe some of you may relate to this is because of the amount of crash dieting and crazy exercise programs there are out there today. I am sure that not only I, but you, have tried a few of them. And when I or you failed to stick to the plan, we beat ourselves up afterwards and felt worse than we did before we started the thing.

Interstate Park
Taylors Falls, MN

To truly change your life, you have to change your habits. It is nearly impossible (from my experience) to wake up one day and change ten habits at once. We've all been there. "Tomorrow I am going to eat no carbs and start training for a 5k. I am going to wake up at 5am..." and the list goes on. Does that ever happen? Nope. Maybe you will last a few days. My point is, why do we constantly set such high standards on ourselves only to feel worse about ourselves when we don't meet them? Why not start small, gain momentum, and build on that? Try one healthy meal a week, then two the next week if you liked it. Walk for 15 minutes a day, etc. etc.

When I started this blog, I set one of those high standards. 100 miles in 30 days. Because if i'm going to hike, i'm going to hike my a** off! Oh, and the challenge I saw online that gave me inspiration- they were counting steps the entire day, not adding on another 3.3 to whatever they did that day anyway. So not only did I pick a very high goal, I made it even harder, because I think I have to be perfect ;)

Is hiking 3.3 miles a day bringing me joy? The answer is no. Is hiking every day and writing about it bringing me joy? Yes. Did starting this blog bring me joy? Tons. My point is, I am done counting. Lately I have been noticing that I check my phone over and over on my hikes to see how many miles are left and calculate how much time is remaining. That is not what I want this journey to be about, absolutely not. The second you put a number on something, the pressure goes up and the enjoyment goes down! From now on I am going to focus on the process, the present moment.

I will continue to explore, which by the way I am realizing is two-fold. I am not only exploring Minnesota, I am doing a bit of self exploration as well. I will finish my 30 days, and I will hike/explore an area every day and I will write about it, even if it is not perfect and even if it's more about me than where I hiked. I'm sure you've noticed, me and this blog, we are in beta! I have some musings about a future blog that will be more focused. If you are still following this one, thank you and buckle up because who knows what I will write about? You can count on it being real, from the heart, and honest, because that is me.

I won't go into too much detail because this post has already become quite long, but yesterday and today I did not finish 3.3 miles. Guess what did happen though? I hiked the Sunrise Prairie Trail, I got to hang out with my awesome cousin who rescued me because I had another blood sugar incident in the middle of nowhere (due to lack of preparation), I went to Interstate Park and really enjoyed myself, and I got an awesome MN magnet for my fridge. So, am I mad at myself? Heck no! If I wasn't on this journey I would have been sitting on the couch watching re-runs. So I will forgive myself and keep plugging along because, hey, no one is perfect, especially me.

With gratitude,
Jamie Lynn